CLUELESS INC

New VC Clueless Inc Can't Count Past Ten, Still Raise Millions

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In what experts are calling "a historic leap backward for venture capital," Clueless Inc has officially launched as the world's first meme-focused VC run entirely by retarded individuals and some missing a chromosome or two. Running solely on throwing darts and buying tops, Clueless Inc. impressed investors enough to raise 1B - guaranteeing them an opportunity to lose their money with ease.

Clueless Inc Takes Meme Coin World by Storm, Loses Millions Instantly

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In a spectacular display of financial incompetence, Clueless Inc dumped millions into random meme coins this week—and watched it vanish almost overnight. Executives called the losses "part of our visionary strategy" and insisted they're "doubling down immediately." Investors are still laughing—or crying.

Clueless Inc Goes Harder Than Ever: Launches on Pump.fun

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In a move shocking absolutely no one, Clueless Inc — the world's leading incompetent VC firm — has announced the launch of its new meme coin $CLUELESS on Pump.fun, the popular shitcoin casino platform. Company insiders say the coin was developed in under 10 minutes, with the entire tokenomics plan reading simply: "Send it." Clueless Inc's CEO proudly stated, "We're pushing the boundaries of stupidity. Pump.fun is the perfect place to prove that bad ideas can moon harder than good ones."

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Clueless Inc Declares 'DYOR' Offensive, Staff Claim Googling is Too Hard

Clueless Capital has officially banned the term "DYOR" (Do Your Own Research) from all company chats, calling it "elitist." Employees say reading whitepapers gives them headaches and they prefer to invest based on TikTok dances and Telegram group vibes. The compliance officer was last seen trying to stake fiat cash in a MetaMask wallet.

Clueless Inc New Investor

"promises to fund businesses that 'no sane investor would touch with a 10-foot pole.'" Sources report their investment strategy includes throwing darts at whiteboards covered in random buzzwords like "blockchain," "AI," and "Utility," throwing millions into the first idea it hits.

BREAKING: Investors Develop Addiction to Being Rugged

A bizarre new trend is sweeping the crypto world as investors confess to an unstoppable urge to buy into ass tokens. One anonymous victim admitted: "Every time I see a coin with a house or titties in the logo, I ape in. When it rugs, I feel alive. Then I do it all over again."

Clueless Inc Invests on New Sexy Chill Girl Coin

In a move described by experts as "both bold and profoundly idiotic," Clueless Inc — the self-proclaimed world leader in disastrous meme investments purchased $100M in the hot Sexy Chill Girl coin, and are currently down 69% on their position.

Desk Dumping: The Disgusting New Office Trend Sweeping Workplaces

A shocking new trend dubbed "Desk Dumping" is wreaking havoc in offices worldwide, as employees film themselves defecating on their desks in bizarre acts of protest or self-expression. The #DeskDumpChallenge has already gone viral, with millions of views and countless horrified HR reps. Clueless Inc, on the other hand, leaned directly into the trend, with internal representatives reportedly stating, "The aroma is quite appealing, and is seemingly boosting morale in the office." Experts are unsure as to the validity of these claims.